


The Clock Goes kciT kciT kciT

by phoenixyfriend



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic), girl ge
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Fluff, Gen, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:01:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21913348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixyfriend/pseuds/phoenixyfriend
Summary: Bang and Gil get turned into kids again. Higgs is very, very tired.
Relationships: Axel "The Unstoppable" Higgs & Bangladesh "Bang" DuPree, Axel "The Unstoppable" Higgs & Gilgamesh "Gil" Wulfenbach, Bangladesh "Bang" DuPree & Gilgamesh "Gil" Wulfenbach, higgs - Relationship
Comments: 18
Kudos: 131
Collections: Girl Genius Spark-Exchange Yuletide 2019





	The Clock Goes kciT kciT kciT

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wolf_the_Lizard_King](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolf_the_Lizard_King/gifts).



> This was for the Girl Genius Yuletide Spark Exchange run by stellawind. Thanks, friend!

When Higgs signed up for the job of being an airman in the Wulfenbach Army, he’d known to expect strange things. He’d honestly come into it knowing full well that, even as an airman third class, he was going to be _involved_ in strange things. The Baron handled too many sparky disasters for anyone to _not_ at least be in the vicinity of one or more strange things, especially when that anyone was a secret Jäger general, whose very nature of being a monster in service to the Heterodynes increased the chances of running into strange things sevenfold.

(Jenka had done the math once. It had been rather impressive.)

Suffice to say, when young Wulfenbach had promoted him for his actions saving the former Baron and his aid in Castle Heterodyne, Higgs had swallowed his sigh and agreed to it. It was more important to have an in with the highest echelons of the military than to be secretive, especially with all the other generals trapped in the bubble. Dimo was coming along well, and Jenka was always useful, but weren’t exactly poised to get the kind of inner-circle information that Goomblast and the others had been gathering.

He’d also been alive for centuries, so he prided himself on being difficult to surprise.

That said, some things were still unexpected, and tiring in ways he hadn’t experienced before, like sticking around while Gilgamesh tried a new way to bore into the time bubble, and a faulty connection of some sort snapped the power out and back and—

Well, DuPree tried to pull Gil out of the way, but instead they just _both_ got caught in the blast, and now Higgs had to deal with two small children and an entire laboratory of suddenly-panicking scientists.

He blinked down at the two small bodies swimming in clothing that had fit perfectly a few seconds earlier, and then up at the pandemonium. DuPree was already—okay, nope, no knives.

He scooped her up under one arm and removed every knife as she pulled it out of increasingly strange places. She was much easier to manage as a, what, eleven-year-old? Something like that.

“Put me down!” she screeched, landing an impressive kick on his thigh.

“Not until you behave,” he said. “Do you know who I am?”

“No, and I don’t care!” She managed to wriggle enough to slip out of his arms. He caught her easily before she hit the ground, but not before she managed to swipe a knife from the ground and drive it into his calf.

He looked down at what she’d done, and then pulled her up under his arm again. “That’s going to leave such a stain…”

She screamed wordlessly, and he could already feel a headache coming on. He swung her about in front of him, holding her at arms’ length by her shoulders, and she fruitlessly tried to kick him again.

“Are you done yet?” He asked. “I can do this longer than you can. You’re, what, twelve at best?”

“Ha! Shows what _you_ know! I’m nine, duckhead!”

He blinked slowly. “Right. I don’t actually care that much. If you don’t stop fighting, I’m going to tie you up while I handle the situation.”

She hissed at him like an annoyed cat.

Higgs rolled his eyes. “Can someone get her some clothes that aren’t falling off? Everything’s too big for her.”

“Her sweater might work as a dress for now,” one of the lab assistants offered, nervously holding her clipboard up like a shield.

“I thought it already fell off,” Higgs said, frowning at where Bang was clothed only in a pair of combinations and half a sock.

“Nuh-uh! I got out of it ‘cause I couldn’t hit ya!” Bang said, sticking out her tongue at him like it was a valid form of punctuation.

Higgs was briefly distracted from her, as ‘keep Bang from stabbing the nearest person who might not survive it’ had taken an obvious priority over ‘check on the new baron that was effectively half-Jäger,’ so he hadn’t actually noticed that something was coming towards him until there was a tugging on his pant leg.

He looked down to find a very, very small Gilgamesh Wulfenbach plastered to his leg, staring at the lab with wide, confused eyes and trembling lip.

The damn kid looked like he was about to cry.

Higgs considered this for about five seconds. He looked up at Bohrlaikha.

He tossed Bang over one shoulder and picked Gil up to rest on his hip, and turned to head for the door. “Rothfuss, you’re in charge. Borhlaikha, with me.”

\--

Bang didn’t know what was going on.

She kind of thought she knew the weird old guy with the mutton chops. She didn’t like the big clank, but the big clank was _big_ and had a _sword_ and was _really fast_ , so obviously the big clank was super cool and not something she could fight, probably, especially since big clank listened to weird old guy, and weird old guy let Bang stab him and barely seemed to notice until someone asked him why there was a knife in his leg.

Ugh, he was so _weird._ Also, rude! Who just refuses to start crying in pain when you stab them? Honestly!

A woman came into the room Bang had ended up locked in, carrying a tray of Something and smiling in a way that seemed nervous. Good. People _should_ be nervous about Bang.

“Now, Miss DuPree, Mister—eek!”

Bang brandished the knife with silent glee that she’d managed to keep three of her hidden beauties when they’d given her clothes that actually kinda fit. She kept her back to Gil, because he was kind of a crybaby and every time someone looked at him funny, Bang wanted to stab even _more_ than usual.

(Bang didn’t necessarily think stabbing was the best thing ever, but Momma did, and Bang wanted to make Momma proud when she finally broke out of this fancy dump and got back to the island.)

The point was, Gil was, like, _tiny,_ and kind of a weakling, and sometimes when there was shouting in the hall he hugged Bang’s arm and hid behind her like a _wimp,_ so like. Obviously she had to treat him like she treated Deathwish and make sure nobody got to him or whatever. He could barely hold a fork! How was he supposed to protect himself with _that_ kind of a grip?

Anyway, the woman was still staring at Bang with a panic that was quickly cooling to irritation, which sucked, so Bang took a step forward and jabbed the knife at the lady as a warning.

“I’m not paid enough for this shit,” the woman muttered. She backed out of the room, and there was some talking that Bang couldn’t hear through the stupid metal door, and then that weird old guy nudged the door open with his shoulder and came in with the tray.

“It’s not poisoned, kid.” He sat down with the tray on his knees. “You want me to eat some and prove it?”

“Ew,” Bang said, nose wrinkling. “Anyway, you’re _old._ You did that mithri… Mithra… the thing where you eat poison so it doesn’t hurt you no more, that thing. You coulda done _that,_ and you totally did, because you’re in charge of this _whole place.”_

She spread her arms super wide, just so he’d understand how much he was in charge of.

“I’m not…” the old guy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sure, yeah, I guess I’m in charge of it for now. I’m not supposed to be, but the actual guy in charge isn’t here so yeah. I guess I am.”

“Where’s the guy in charge?” Bang demanded. “I gotta talk to him so I can get home!”

“Out,” the old guy said, and then sighed again and plucked the knife out of her hand before she could even get _near_ him with it. Jerk!

“Um,” Gil said, reaching past Bang to grab a biscuit from the tray. “Do you—this is Castle Wulfenbach, right? Where’s Mistress Von Pinn?”

Old guy’s face did a weird thing where it looked like he wanted to do a twitchy thing but made it go away so he wouldn’t worry Gil, which was, like, _okay_ , she _guessed._ Gil didn’t need to worry more.

“I’m afraid Mistress Von Pinn was required for an emergency situation on the ground,” old guy said.

“That’s ox crap!” Bang declared.

“Sure,” old guy said. “Whatever. Listen, can you kids please stop scaring the people that are supposed to look after you? I have really important things to do, like figuring out how to fix all of… this. Besides, Gilgamesh, you should be taking a nap right now.”

“But I’m hungry!”

Old guy rolled his eyes again. “Fine. Eat up, and then nap. DuPree, make sure he does.”

“Ew, gross, you’re not the boss of me.”

“I’ll let you spend an hour on the knife-throwing ranges if you do,” he said.

Bang froze, torn between _really_ wanting to say no out of spite, and really, _really_ wanting to get to play with her knives in a place where she didn’t have to worry about tiny fleshbag Gil.

“Fine! You got yourself a deal, mister!”

\--

Gil had no idea what was going on, like, almost all of the time.

Miss Bang was nice. She was kinda scary, but she usually wasn’t scary at _him,_ which was more than he got from Mistress Von Pin, or the other students. Gil thought maybe Bang was a student too! Except he’d asked, and she said no and that also, school was gross, so probably not.

Gil wanted to know more about where he was in Castle Wulfenbach, because he’d been here his _entire life,_ even if his life was only five years, and he didn’t recognize _any_ of these rooms! There was way less construction, and less Jägers, and whenever he wanted to go out and take a walk, Mr. Higgs had to come with him, and so did Bang. Higgs made Bang walk between them, holding both their hands, because he said she was a ‘miniature menace to society, and a spot of responsibility will do her good.’

Sometimes Mr. Higgs took them to some guy with a _really_ big beard, who was a doctor, but not a spark. He was really excited all the time, and kept taking weird measurements and talking about something called ‘horology,’ which he said was time, except Gil thought time was pretty simple. He’d already learned how to read clocks, even, and about time zones!

Bang mostly just complained when they visited the labs and got measurements taken. She thought it was boring, like most things that weren’t super violent. Gil liked it because Dr. Rothfuss let him ask all the questions he wanted about the machinery and scanners and stuff. Sometimes, though, Gil blacked out, and when he woke up again, the adults all looked really worried and kept asking him if he was feeling okay. He usually was! It was weird, but when he told Bang about it, she said she hadn’t noticed anything like that.

“That sounds weird,” she said, eating some cheese. “Tell me next time it happens, okay? I’ll tell you if I noticed anything.”

“Thanks, Bang,” Gil said, leaning against her until she lifted her arm and let him cuddle up under it. She was really nice to Gil, and he thought she was an _awesome_ friend, maybe even kinda like a big sister! He thought this was what a sister would be like. She scared away the people who scared Gil, and she was teaching him how to fight, and she was _so cool._ Gil was pretty sure she could fight _anything_ and win! Maybe she could even fight the Baron!

Actually, Gil hadn’t heard anyone even _mention_ the Baron since he and Bang got transported to that weird lab with all the red light…

\--

“It shouldn’t be too complicated,” Klaus said, cursing this body’s tiny frame and even tinier brain. The overlay was _not_ designed for the mind of a five-year-old. Plenty of elasticity, of course, but not enough material and not even capable of a fugue. He only ever had a few minutes before he had to sink back down for Gil’s health, and for all his mistakes as a parent, Klaus refused to mess this up too.

He drew out the line on the page in a shaky hand, already annoyed with the lack of fine motor control, connecting some wiring and words in the blueprints for the trip back to normal size for Gilgamesh and DuPree. It was an inherently temporary thing; all of their mass had to go _somewhere_ , and while Klaus was sure it could all naturally come back at some point, he was also concerned that it would come back in a manner that was… explosive, to put it simply.

And he _really_ didn’t want Gil to explode, aside from all the other various reasons they had to get these children back to their adult selves. Assassins didn’t stop themselves, after all, and everyone _knew_ Gil was the heir to the empire now. It wasn’t a situation that was really tenable in the long run, not without Klaus actually there as himself.

“Sir, you’re wasting time,” Airman Higgs drawled, with a glint in his eye that Klaus worried was going to come back to bite his actual self at some point in the future, if not the overlay. Still, that was a problem for future Klaus. Current Klaus, the overlay, had to revert his son and right hand woman back to their actual ages.

So he got to work on that.

\--

“Just stand right there,” Higgs said.

“And what if I don’t wanna?” Bang challenged, hands on her hips. They’d put her back in the red sweater and oversized pair of combinations, and Gil was practically swimming in a nightrobe, the only thing they’d been able to find that would stay on his frame as a child and retain some minimum of modesty for him as an adult.

They’d considered grabbing something similarly loose and flowing for DuPree, but quite frankly Higgs was worried she’d kill all of them if they put her in anything remotely similar to a dress, so that idea was trashed in seconds.

Higgs was so, so tired of this entire situation already. It had only been a week. He wanted to _sleep_ for a week.

He’d been effectively half-running the empire for Gil while also being the only actual adult capable of handling DuPree.

_Why._

Well, he knows why. It was because he’d signed up to be in the Heterodyne’s army and implicitly promised to accept any ridiculous nonsense that came his way.

But still.

“Trust me, you’ll be much happier if you do,” Higgs said, instead of trying to argue with her. “I was told you might explode if you don’t, and then you’d die, and then you could never be a pirate queen. Do you want that?”

“I don’t trust you!”

“I do,” Gil offered, holding on to Bang’s sleeve like it was going to make her listen. Embarrassingly for everyone, it did. Everyone was going to regret that eventually, but it wasn’t Higgs’s problem. “You just need us to stand right here?”

“Yep. Rothfuss, if you will?”

**_ZAP!_ **

\--

Bang seethed.

Higgs had fuckin’ _escaped._ Bastard had the fucking nerve to treat her like some little dainty damsel for a week and thought she’d let him get away with it? Hell no! Nine or not, she was still _Bangladesh DuPree_ and she deserved some damn respect.

Fucker.

She went to her rooms and pulled on some trousers and just overall fixed herself up to _not_ be flashing someone every time she kicked out. Not that she minded flashing people, but it was an inconvenience, to have things twisting in weird places and tugging in others and pinching and just—no.

She finally opened the door to find Gil, looking fresh as a goddamn _daisy_ compared to the sleep-deprived mess he’d been before the age bullshit. Maybe there’d been a _good_ side effect to this after all.

She punched him in the shoulder. “You little shit.”

“Hey!” he complained, grabbing at where she’d hit him. “What was that for?!”

“You were such a _wimp!”_ She told him. She grinned, and wondered if maybe he was scared of her again, as was right and proper. “Even more than you usually are! I had to protect you!”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Gil said, rolling his eyes. “Thanks for that, by the way. Little me was scared of everything except you and Higgs. Everything was weird and unfamiliar and—yeah.”

“You’re so _sentimental,”_ Bang said, pretending to gag. “Makes me wanna puke out the porthole.”

“Please don’t,” Gil told her drily. “At least go to the toilet. We have indoor plumbing for a reason on this ship and you know it.”

“Meh,” Bang said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “I’m a rebel.”

“And yet you’re here,” he said. He paused, and Bang felt the dawning horror of incoming emotions. “I really am glad you were so… protective. Little me kept wondering if having you was something like having a big sister.”

Bang really, _really_ wanted to punch him, ew.

“So…” Gil trailed off, scratching at the back of his head, and then lunged forward and grabbed her in a hug.

“Get _off!”_ she yelled, immediately trying to go for a knife, except Gil had her arms pinned and _fucker._ Why was he so strong? Who gave him the right to be like this? “Fuck you, kid, let me stab you!”

“Mmmmm nope,” Gil said. He squeezed her again, tensed, and _threw her_ across her rooms as he sprinted down the hall.

She pulled a sword down from the wall and sprinted after him.

“Get back here, Wulfenbaby!”

“That’s not nearly as clever as you think it is!”

“I don’t give a shit!”


End file.
